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KansasKansas Jokes



Two blondes drive through the middle of Kansas, surrounded entirely by wheat fields.

One blonde says, "Look over there!" They see another blonde in scuba gear acting like she's swimming through the wheat.

The blonde driving says, "It's girls like that who give us blondes a bad name."

The other blonde says, "Yeah! And if I knew how to swim, I'd go out there and tell her off."

A short story...

A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.


You Might Be From Kansas If. . . .

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1. You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water.

2. You instantly know someone is from Johnson County when they call everything west of Topeka... "Western" Kansas.

3. You know the meaning of Rock Chalk Jayhawk.

4. In August, you break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:00 a.m.

5. You can properly pronounce Salina, Basehor, Schoenchen, Kechi and Osawatomie.

6. Going on vacation means going to Hutch to the fair, Abilene to Ike's museum or Boot Hill to see Miss Kitty.

7. You know exactly what calf fries are and eat them anyway.

8. A traffic jam involves two cars staring each other down at a four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the other go first.

9. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F350 4x4 is. (Except in Johnson County)

10. You discover that in July it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.

11. The terms Sooners and Huskers cause hair! s on the back of your neck to stand up straight and your blood pressure to rise.

12. You have owned at least one belt buckle bigger than your fist.

13. You think people who complain about the wind in their states are SISSIES!

14. You are not surprised to find movie rentals, ammunition and bait all in the same store.

15. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door but by the availability of shade.

16. You have been asked, "Where is Toto" more than once.

17. You prefer the Little Apple to the Big Apple as a place to live.

18. You had at least one summer job that was bucking bales or custom cutting.

19. You understand the difference between 3.2 and 6 point and more than once you've made a beer run to another state.

20. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned to multiply.

21. Over 50% of your wardrobe is purple.

22. You know in your heart that K-State can beat Oklahoma in football.

Kansas23. Traffic congestion is ten cars waiting to pass a combine on the highway.

24. You have ridden the school bus for more than an hour each way.

25. You know everything goes better with Ranch.

26. You call that smell coming from the feed yards...."money".

27. Your school classes have been canceled because of the heat.

28. You complain that you cannot see Scott City...

29. You know that Mt. Oread is really only just a hill.

30. You have seen people wear bib overalls to funerals and weddings.

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