South Carolina Jokes
South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn't Actually Surrender
A South Carolina redneck passed away and left a sizable estate to his beloved widow ...
... However, she can't touch it until she turns fourteen.
A short story...
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
One day in an elementary school in Columbia, SC, a teacher asks her class if the South Carolina Gamecocks are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.
The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"
Little Jimmy says, "The Clemson Tigers "
The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Tiger fan, my mom is a Tiger fan, I guess that makes me a Tiger fan."
The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me a South Carolina fan."
How do you know when you're staying in a South Carolina hotel?
"When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink."
and the person at the front desk says "go ahead".
South Carolina: Just south of North Carolina
South Carolina Highway Patrol
These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." (My Favorite)
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." ( National Crime Information Center )
13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
AND THE WINNER IS....
16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."
You're An Extreme Redneck When.....
- The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
- You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
- You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
- You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
- Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."
- You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
- Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
- Your junior prom offered day care.
- You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
- You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
- The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
- You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
- One of your kids was born on a pool table.
- You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
- You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
- You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.