Q. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A. He wanted cold hard cash!
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Q. What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
A. "Is that you mommy?"
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Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.
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Q. How do crazy people go through the forest?
A. They take the psycho path.
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Q. What do prisoners use to call each other?
A. Cell phones.
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Q. What do you get from a pampered cow?
A. Spoiled milk.
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Q. Where do polar bears vote?
A. The North Poll
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Q. What did Geronimo say when he jumped out of the airplane?
A. ME!!!
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Q. Where do snowmen keep their money?
A. In snow banks.
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Q. What's brown and sticky?
A. A stick.
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Q. Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
A. Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
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Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch dog.
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Q. Why did the tomato turn red?
A. It saw the salad dressing!
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Q. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
A. It let out a little wine!
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Q. How do you make a tissue dance?
A. Put a little boogey in it!
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Q. Where do bees go to the bathroom?
A. At the BP station!
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Q. What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room?
A. Odor in the court.
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Q. What did the water say to the boat?
A. Nothing, it just waved.
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Q. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?
A. Dam!
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Q. Why don't skeletons fight each other?
A. They don't have the guts.
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Q. What has four legs but can't walk?
A. A table!
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Q. Why did the turtle cross the road?
A. To get to the Shell station!
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Q. What did the ground say to the earthquake?
A. You crack me up!
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Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A. Milk and quackers!
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Q. Why did the elephant eat the candle?
A. He wanted a light snack!
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Q. Why is the letter "G" scary?
A. It turns a host into a ghost
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Q. What has 4 eyes but no face?
A. Mississippi!
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Q. What did the spider do on the computer?
A. Made a website!
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Q. What letters are not in the alphabet?
A. The ones in the mail, of course!
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Q. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
A. Because 789!
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Q. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A. Because it felt crummy.
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Q. How do you know carrots are good for your eyes?
A. Because you never see rabbits wearing glasses!
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Q. What do you call a pony with a sore throat?
A. A little horse
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Q. What do you call cheese that is not yours?
A. Nacho Cheese
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Q. Why did the sheep say "moo"?
A. It was learning a new language!
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Q. What streets do ghosts haunt?
A. Dead ends!
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Q. What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer?
A. The Space bar!
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Q. What exam do young witches have to pass?
A. A spell-ing test!
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Q. Why did the boy eat his homework?
A. Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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Q. Why is Basketball such a messy sport?
A. Because you dribble on the floor!
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Q. What is the best day to go to the beach?
A. Sunday, of course!
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Q. What bow can't be tied?
A. A rainbow!
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Q. What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A. Every morning you'll rise and shine!
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Q. What does a teddy bear put in his house?
A. Fur-niture!
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Q.What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
A.Spring time.
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Q. What happens to cows during an earthquake?
A. They give milk shakes!
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Q. Why did the jelly wobble?
A. Because it saw the milk shake!
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Q. What do you call a girl who is always in the bookies?
A. Betty!
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Q. Where do cows go on holiday?
A. Moo York
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Q. Where did the computer go to dance?
A. To a disc-o.
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Q. What do you call a man who rolls in the leaves?
A. Russel
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Q. What has one head, one foot and four legs?
A. A Bed
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Q. Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
A. He was a chicken.
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Q. What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?
A. The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
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Q. Why did the birdie go to the hospital?
A. To get a tweetment.
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Q. What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa?
A. A Clausterphobic
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Q. Why was the guy looking for the food on his friend?
A. Because his friend said its on me.
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Q. Did you hear the joke about the roof?
A. Never mind, it's over your head!
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Q. What do you call a cow eating grass in a paddock?
A. A lawn mooer
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Q. Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
A. Because he had no-body to go with.
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Q. What washes up on very small beaches?
A. Microwaves!
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Q. What gets bigger and bigger as you take more away from it?
A. A hole!
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Q. What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move?
A. The road!
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Q. How do you make a bandstand?
A. Take away their chairs!
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Q. Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
A. The scientists were brainstorming!
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Q. Why did Tony go out with a prune?
A. Because he couldn't find a date!
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Q. What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
A. Hi Cliff!
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Q. What did Pooh say to his agent?
A. Show me the honey!
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Q. Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
A. Because he was sitting on the deck!
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Q. Why did the traffic light turn red?
A. You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
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Q. What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
A. I think I'm coming down with something!
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Q. What do lawyers wear to court?
A. Lawsuits!
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Q. What breaks when you say it?
A. Silence!
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Q. Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
A. Because then it would be a foot!
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Q. What has four wheels and flies?
A. A garbage truck!
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Q. What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it?
A. Post Office!
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Q. What did the blanket say to the bed?
A. Don't worry, I've got you covered!
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Q. Why should you take a pencil to bed?
A. To draw the curtains!
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Q. How many books can you put in an empty backpack?
A. One! After that its not empty!
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Q. What kind of button won't unbutton?
A. A bellybutton!
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Q. What did the penny say to the other penny?
A. We make perfect cents.
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Q. Why did the man with one hand cross the road?
A. To get to the second hand shop.
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Q. Why did the picture go to jail?
A. Because it was framed.
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Q. What are two things you cannot have for breakfast?
A. Lunch and dinner.
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Q. Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep?
A. So he could have sweet dreams.
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Q. Why did the robber take a bath?
A. Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
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Q. What did the judge say to the dentist?
A. Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
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Q. What do you call a bear with no socks on?
A. Bare-foot.
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Q. What can you serve but never eat?
A. A volleyball.
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Q. What did one teddy bear say to the other teddy bear when he offered him some dessert?
A. No thank you, I am stuffed.
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Q. What kind of shoes do all spies wear?
A. Sneakers.
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Q. What did one wall say to the other wall?
A. I'll meet you at the corner.
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Q. Why did the soccer player bring string to the game?
A. So he could tie the score.
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Q. Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin?
A. They both depend on the batter.
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Q. What did the alien say to the garden?
A. Take me to your weeder.
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Q. Have you heard the joke about the butter?
A. I better not tell you, it might spread.
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Q. How do baseball players stay cool?
A. Sit next to their fans.
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Q. What gets wetter the more it dries?
A. A towel.
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Q. Why was the math book sad?
A. Because it had too many problems.
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Q. What runs but doesn't get anywhere?
A. A refrigerator.
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Q. How do you catch a squirrel?
A. Climb a tree and act like a nut!
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Q. What do you do with a blue whale?
A. Try to cheer him up!
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Q. How do you communicate with a fish?
A. Drop him a line!
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Q. Where do sheep go to get haircuts?
A. To the Baa Baa shop!
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Q. What does a shark eat with peanut butter?
A. Jellyfish!
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Q. Why was the pelican kicked out of the hotel?
A. Because he had a big bill!
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Q. What do cats eat for breakfast?
A. Mice Crispies!
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Q. What kind of dog tells time?
A. A watch dog!
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Q. Why can't a leopard hide?
A. Because he's always spotted!
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Q. What do you give a dog with a fever?
A. Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog!
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Q. What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon?
A. A sour puss!
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Q. Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A. Its easier than walking!
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Q. What kind of key opens a banana?
A. A monkey!
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Q. How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
A. Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
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Q. Why does a hummingbird hum?
A. It doesn't know the words!
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Q. Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
A. Because they dropped out of school!
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Q. What goes up and down but doesn't move?
A. The temperature!
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Q. What two days of the week start with the letter "T"?
A. Today and Tomorrow!
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Q. Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks?
A. Neither, they both weigh a ton!
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Q. What has four eyes but can't see?
A. Mississippi!
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Q. Where does wood come from?
A. A guy named woody.
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Q. What has one horn and gives milk
A. A milk truck.
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Q. Where do bulls get their messages
A. On a bull-etin board.
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Q. What do bulls do when they go shopping?
A. They CHARGE!
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Q. Why were the giant's fingers only eleven inches long?
A. Because if they were twelve inches long, they'd be a foot.
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Q. What is invisible and smells like carrots?
A. Bunny Farts!
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Q. What runs but can't walk?
A. The faucet!
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Q. What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in?
A. A water bed!
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Q. What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup?
A. Firecrackers!
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Q. What did the teddy bear say when he was offered dessert?
A. No thanks, I'm stuffed!
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Q. Why did the barber win the race?
A. Because he took a short cut.
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Q. What's taken before you get it?
A. Your picture.
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Q. Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A. To get a root canal.
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Q. Why did the child study in the airplane?
A. He wanted a higher education!
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Q. Why was the broom late?
A. It over swept!
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Q. What did the fireman's wife get for Christmas?
A. A ladder in her stocking!
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Q. What did one virus say to another?
A. Stay away, I think I've got penicillin!
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Q. What did the tie say to the hat?
A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
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Q. What pet makes the loudest noise?
A. A trum-pet!
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Q. What is a tornado?
A. Mother nature doing the twist!
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Q. Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A. He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
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Q. How do you tease fruit?
A. Banananananananana!
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Q. Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk?
A. Because he wanted to work over-time!
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Q. Why did Tommy throw the clock out of the window?
A. Because he wanted to see time fly!
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Q. How does a moulded fruit-flavoured dessert answer the phone?
A. Jell-o!
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Q. When do you stop at green and go at red?
A. When you're eating a watermelon!
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Q. How did the farmer mend his pants?
A. With cabbage patches!
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Q. Why don't they serve chocolate in prison?
A. Because it makes you break out!
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Q. What do you call artificial spaghetti?
A. Mockaroni!
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Q. What happens to a hamburger that misses a lot of school?
A. He has a lot of ketchup time!
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Q. Why did the man at the orange juice factory lose his job?
A. He couldn't concentrate!
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Q. How do you repair a broken tomato?
A. Tomato Paste!
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Q. Why did the baby strawberry cry?
A. Because his parents were in a jam!
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Q. What did the hamburger name his daughter?
A. Patty!
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Q. What kind of egg did the bad chicken lay?
A. A deviled egg!
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Q. What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving?
A. A turkey!
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Q. What kind of cake do you get at a cafeteria?
A. A stomach-cake!
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Q. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A. He felt crummy!
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Q. When does a cart come before a horse?
A. In the dictionary!
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Q. Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?
A. She couldn't control her pupils!